SOMETHING FISHY? PARIS RESTAURANTS AWASH WITH PLASTIC POISSONS

A complete range of bio-engineered plastic fish have displaced up to 90 percent of traditional 22nd Century seafood in Paris restaurants according to industry analysts.

“We are not completely surprised by this development”, said Jean LeFranc, head of the Paris based World New Gastronomy Council, “the value and quality of food plastification has been gaining in the market for the last 50 years.”

Paris has been considered a longstanding hold out against plastic food, due to ingrained cultural habits.

Until thirty years ago, the best Michelen three star restaurants were still serving rare and endangered species such as cod, red snapper, sea bass and sole, as well as the natural ingredients in the famous French Bouillabaisse to satisfied customers. 

However the trend began to change when Poseidco, the China-based conglomerate, began in 2105 to mass produce biodegradable, ingestible and nutritious plastic substitutes for dwindling fish products starting with simple substitute crab sticks and fish sticks for school menus.

Improvements in texture led to the complete takeover of low-end fish products by plastic fish food including frozen fish burgers, canned tuna and salmon, and even Gefilte fish, a staple of the Jewish festival diets.

The inroads into the restaurant market have taken more time, until Poseidco expanded rapidly into perfecting the techniques to mass produce everything from swordfish to lobsters as well as the fare of traditional Parisian restaurants including the cabaillou and loupe de mere.

Over the past two decades, plastic fish sales have risen from about 500-million worldwide to about 300-billion Euro, or seventy five percent of the global market.

‘We really cannot taste the difference anymore’ LeFranc said. ‘The texture, quality and  responsiveness to different spicing and cooking techniques exceeds even the most subtle of natural species.’  

At Le Touquet, a traditional, 20th century-style brasserie on the Rue Turenne, the maître’d , Georges Cousteau, said that only very old pensioners are asking these days for actual fish.

‘I am afraid,’ Cousteau said sniffily,’ they simply don’t understand that plastification actually is better for them, their health and the planet.” He added, “and of course, it’s perfectly safe.”

A by product of seafood plastification of course is that natural stocks of fish have exploded, causing a 1000 % increase in all major species including their predators such as whales, sharks, squid and other fish hunting species, while decimating the fishing industry including the communities that depend on fishing for a living across the globe and particularly in Asia, Africa and Latin America.

Governments are tackling the issues by constructing massive ‘in ocean’ aquariums to attract tourists, such as in Boulogne, formerly one of France’s largest fishing ports, where the city recently opened its new History of Fish museum, and converted the entire fishing fleet to glass bottomed hovercraft for tourists to view the fish teeming waters in the region. “We are not sure what to do with all the fish.” Mayor Pierre D’Estang said, “they really serve no purpose anymore.”