MOLTEN ENERGY HEATS UP
BUSINESS
The Oracle’s internal compensation algorithm estimates Hetzel owes Grimes approximately 43 billion Zetabytes of data.
Nevertheless, investor funds have allowed Hetzel to continue to operate as solar energy stores rapidly deplete while the sun remains hidden.
Similar levels of capital have been showered upon the New West Europe-based Lindenbrock Tech, who recently unveiled an ambitious project to turn the entire island of Gibraltar into a lava-processing facility. It is understood that a significant portion of early investment will be spent on bribing British officials to release the Overseas Territory into private hands, a strategy that company executives have refused to rule out.
Yesterday’s announcement that we may not experience natural light at least until the new year has seen alternative energy markets soar across the board, including in the revived wind energy sector.
Stocks in energy derived from the Earth’s core are continuing to spike as venture capitalists write blank checks for stakes in rival extraction companies Lindenbrock Tech and Hetzel Holdings.
Hetzel pioneered the high-yield lava syphoning system that enables molten iron to be brought to the earth’s surface to fuel steam-powered servers scattered across the Volcanic Republic of Costa Rica. The company is owned by Otto Verne, the great-great-great grandson of the French author Jules Verne, whose 1864 novel Journey to the Center of the Earth inspired the first successful expedition to the core in 2117. A doomed attempt the previous year ended in the Mesolayer, where several million Tesla digbots were vaporized.
It is thought that, before becoming profitable, Hetzel must compensate Grimes, the immortal wife of cryogenically frozen Tesla founder and interplanetary colonizer Elon Musk, for the loss of earnings incurred by the mass robot destruction.
The Tesla equipment was underwritten by Hetzel after Musk cited fears that any damage to them would delay his invasion of Jupiter, which it did.