DESIRE INDEX SOARS AS NEWLY CONFIDENT CONSUMERS SEEK SOLACE

The Allen-Minter Desire Index soared four points to a year high yesterday evening as the Administration for High Demand released figures describing consumers’ renewed appetite for escapist technology. Commentators are already pointing to the rise as further evidence that dream simulations are once again considered safe for both customers and investors after a prolonged period of wariness caused by high profile coding errors. The Index, which measures public response to advertising based on fluctuations in personal adrenaline levels, had been on course for its worst year on record.

The AMDI plummeted in February after a Virtual Dream Experience to witness the Kennedy Assassination accidentally transported viewers to 1968 Saigon. The simulation, which was intended for AI military training purposes only, traumatized numerous customers and left others unable to provide uncorrupted data for several days, leading to a rise in VR skepticism nationwide. 

Yesterday, though, the virtual reality conglomerate Iconic Intermission unveiled an aggressive marketing campaign for their latest suite of products, which includes multi-sensory experiences in 1980s New York and the untouched Serengeti circa 1840. The ‘Studio 54 & Associated Disco Venues’ experience promises interactions with icons Grace Jones and Robin Williams. The two-hour ‘Serengeti Sensation’, meanwhile, guarantees Giraffe-Lion combat. Elephants in hunger reported on previous safaris are confirmed to have been erased. 

Iconic Intermission also released details of its forthcoming boutique line, which will offer visits to niche historical scenes. “We’re proud to offer small-scale, personalized trips for customers who are looking for something that falls outside our mainstream product line,” said an automated Intermission spokesperson, “advances in processing power now enable us to offer trips to The Lyceum, the literary salons of 18th Century Paris and, said an automated Intermission spokesperson, “advances in processing power now enable us to offer trips to The Lyceum, the literary salons of 18th Century Paris and, for the thrillseekers, the Pamplona Bull Running Festival 1924 to witness the goring of Esteban Domeño.”

The introduction of the campaign coincided with the news that the sky will be unavailable for viewing until December at the earliest, leaving many consumers in search of natural light via virtual reality. “As well as a new line of products offered by one of our foremost providers of escapism, consumers are also responsive to adverts for their own archived experiences,” said independent analyst Steve PK4, “With the sky unlikely to be clear for some time, a visit to Cornwall at the turn of the century is a great way to see some sunshine.” 

“Archive visitors just need to be careful not to raise their traditional nostalgia levels too high,” warned a government spokesperson, “that will not help us restore our future-facing economy in the long-term.” 

Elsewhere in Desire, the demand for isotonic and electrolyte-enriched drinks rose sharply with last week’s heatwave, and interest in literature dipped again after Herman Melville was canceled as part of the ongoing investigation into the ethics of Romanticism.

The overall rise in Desire across sectors is expected to engender an overdue increase in productivity as workers seek to offer enough personal insight that they can afford some time out of mind.