KINSHASA POPULATION CENSUS ROBBER BY PALERMO MAFIA

‘We’re holding this census ransom and will burn it by noon tomorrow if we are not sent three Bitcoin by midnight,’ stated the Palermo mafia in a projected statement above the Kinshasa skyline. Three Bitcoin is around 900,000000 million euros which is around 30,000 Kinshasa dollars. 

The city census is highly important to the Kinshasa government for the purpose of wealth redistribution and population control. Being one of the world’s most highly populated cities with over 90-million residents, the data on its inhabitants is of supreme importance to manage equity, health care and population numbers from spiralling beyond what the city can manage.

The hard drives were stolen in a typical old-fashioned heist: impersonation, memory blankets and miniature robotics.

Extreme miniature drones managed to bore and unlock the keyholes to the doors behind which  the data drives sat in cool isolation, allowing employee impersonators to walk in and walk out with the work. Naturally covering their tracks with the memory blankets thrown over security, the thieves predictably exclaimed contentedly ‘it was a beautiful day’. It was indeed, but not for the Kinshasians. 

The three Bitcoin is expected to be delivered to the Palermo mafia via WeTransfer before the deadline.