CRATER LAKE A DOOZEE: CANADIAN TOURISM RECOVERS

Intime Trudeau, the great-great-great grandson of early 2000s Prime Minister, Justin, speaks by ApparationLINK on the opening of the massive 1200-mile Crater Lake Recreational Resort at Outer Inuit. 

“This is really a great day for new beginnings,“ said Trudeau who had flown to Outer Inuit the day before in his electro-powered aircraft ‘Crack Cloud’ accompanied by various representatives for Canada’s post-asteroid tourist industry. “Just as the planet has warmed up, making us, literally, the new tourist hotspot,” Trudeau said, “we now have first class tropical beaches at the farthest reaches of our country, offering peace, isolation and a bottomless pit of pristine blue water for generations to enjoy. We have truly healed from, yet not forgotten, the events of the last century. This day is a tribute to those we lost in 2042!”

The vacation destination is built at the site of the disastrous 2042 Asteroid Strike summoned by disgraced former US President Donald Trump during a doomed, privately-backed coup attempt 12 years after he unsuccessfully bid for re-election to the White House.

The meteor shower was intended to strike the Democratic stronghold state of Georgia but missed after Trump seized a navigation device at mission control in Florida. 

The lake, aside from its width, is over five -miles deep at its lowest point and surrounded by massive rock cliffs and sand dunes created by the asteroid blast. The opening of Crater Lake is a milestone in the country’s recovery from an attack that flattened most of central Canada, decimating wildlife (including a world-famous moose population) and razing major settlements including Edmonton and Calgary. Fearing that shockwaves would cause further destruction, the Capital was moved east to the Atlantic province where it has remained. 

Partnering with Disney, the Indian-owned entertainment and cryptocurrency conglomerate, the Canadian government poured billions into the development, which now boasts eight major lakeside resorts, 1500 miles of surrounding eel-shoe zip tracks for hover hiking, 400 miles of traditional hiking trails, and an artificial snow ski mountain 8000 meters high, restoring the snowsports industry to pre-global warming levels. 

Ravi Talwari, the manager of the upscale New Yukon resort, which has 1,700 beds and a five-mile stretch of pure white, pulverised sand beach, indicated that bookings have exceeded expectations.

  “We are getting massive interest from the Sub-Equatorial countries, where people feel they are just too cooped-up in their air-conditioned, subterranean homes,” he said.