Little Dipper (Earl Jr. to his friends) was the finest harmonica player to roam the cosmos. A man of few ideas and even scarcer lovers, with two singles down and a third in the mixing, Little Dipper’s future has always been, in luminary terms, quite literally written in the stars, and it’s therefore to no-mind’s avail that this leather-donning maverick fails to ever reach a conversationally cumulative point.

This interview took place over several couch sessions. It must be noted that whilst I’m all down for tea and biscuits, one cannot condone the behavioural disillusions stimulated via a lifelong lust for space-dust; and therefore, it’s with my absolute /////, to ////*.

We began this conversation in guided silence. Although this wasn’t my first encounter with Little Dipper, it was my premier invitation to his /////-ridden boudoir - a statement Little Dipper refused to acknowledge graciously. “I refuse to acknowledge this graciously” he said, with a mouth full of couscous and a heart of gold. 

For those not in the know... the North Star, despite its romanticised ideals, is lightyears behind its planetary peers. A land of reversed sensibilities, its dwellers love nothing more than to ///// and so any form of joy in a /// so bleakly cosmic is a miracle in itself.

Little Dipper’s band of merry /// may be the last ‘Tin Sandwich Pensioners Choir’ namely because they’re the sole purveyors of harmonically challenged music for those closer to death than others.

“People loved to question our morals** but in reality, /////” Little Dipper mused. “In fact, I would go so far as to say that anyone who ////// is a ////////////. I don’t care for rehearsing and I certainly haven’t got an ear for ////. My /// into the world of ////// was by memorising /// on the back of /// postcards and howling at the moon”.

It was around about ////// when I realised how little I actually cared for both Mr. Dipper and his general /////. Perhaps I shouldn’t have opened with such //////// I said to my third-eye Lawrence, who’d been jotting down //////// throughout the duration of this endeavour. 

“Don’t be a dick,” Lawrence responded.

I hate you.

Onwards and upwards I wondered whether Dip had any hindsight on /////? A slight nod of the head suggested initial confusion, but Dipper’s words spoke louder than his actions. “Absolutely not. My doctor at the time told me never to /////// and /// stuck.” But surely ///? “When ///// the best thing one can do is assume that at any given moment, your /// will start dropping like flies. I once tried working with ////// but I couldn’t stand the buzz.” 

As a purveyor of TRUE journalistic integrity, I found the whole ///// rather arousing. Not in the spiritual sense... but more so /////. “You’re not alone there”. Finally, something we could both agree on.

“I’d be lying if /// but all things considered, a healthy diet and enough hours of sleep are integral to a fruitful existence. Are we good to end things on that?”

We are.

“///”

You had to ruin it didn’t you.

Conclusively this affair was a shambolic liason. Take what you will from Little Dipper, his doors are wide open.

*My dear reader you must appreciate that I am a //// about town and despite common practise... time isn’t money. Further acquiesces suggest that ‘////’ will be used in favour of actual words when the going gets tough.

**editor’s note, here LD may have meant “morale’s”... it was hard to decipher through the smog...

ELSEWHERE IN MUSIC

Parisian punk pirates ZiZi Pop violated the Public Silence Policy with a live performance at the 270 Degree Gate on the city’s periphery. 

‘Fairytale of New York’ will be Christmas number one for the 100th consecutive year this October having attained an unassailable lead in streaming statistics thanks to its placement in the BitBank Christmas commercial. 

A limited-edition striped vinyl copy of The White Stripes’ self-titled album was discovered hidden in the upholstery of a 20th century sofa purchased at an antiques auction in Anchorage, Alaska. Despite pleas from early rock and roll collectors, the record was immediately destroyed as per the non-devotional music ban in the Republican state.